Seireitei life of mutual killing
by Light Yagami Hater
Summary: A crackfic, in which the Bleach characters enter Panem. Pairings, gender bending, and general weirdness to be expected. Rated T for strong language and the occasional sexual reference (though not many!). It only has Angst because it's the Hunger Games. Set shortly after the Arrancar saga.


It was a quiet and peaceful day in the Soul Society. Sosuke Aizen had received his sentence and the arrancar threat had been stopped. Shinji Hirako, Rojuro Otoribashi and Kensei Muguruma had been assigned as captains of Squads 5, 3 and 9. For the first time in months the Soul Society could relax. There had been no deaths on their side, considering it was impossible to kill a Bleach character, and the character list was bulkier than it had been at the start of the Arrancar arc. Too bulky. Time to thin out the cast. The fanfiction author... oh sod this I suck at writing in 3rd person... let's try this...

I break the fourth wall into small pieces. That's better I can write this thing now. Okay guys! Vacations over. Lets face it. This cast is way too big, especially since the Visords appeared. So I propose we try this. I transfer you guys to another fandom and kill some of you off there!

"Erm I have a question?"

Umm, sure what is it Shunsui?

"Who exactly are you?"

Oh yeah. Introductions. Erm... well my name is Light Yagami Hater but you can call me LYH. I'm a fanfiction author. I basically take your lives and fuck them up royally to suit popular demand.

"Whats a Yag... Yag... Yagami?"

ENOUGH! NO MORE STUPID QUESTIONS! *_waves magic wand of magicness_* ZAPITY BAM! *_the Seireitei spins rapidly out of existence and the set of The Hunger Games appears around the characters who look different themselves* _

"Wha.. WHAT THE HELL?! WHY I AM I A GIRL?!"

MWAHAHAHAHA! See what I mean about fucking with your lives? Yes Shunsui you are a female, but not to worry. I bestow upon you the power of the main character! Yes you are the sassy Katniss Everdeen! WOOOO! I LOVE THIS FUCKING POWER!

"Riiiiight... so where exactly am I?"

This the Meadow, your hunting grounds just outside District 12. That's were you live by the way. District 12.

"Okay... so I just swing my... okay where the fuck is Katen Kyokotsu?"

Who? Oh right your zanpakto. Yeah I confiscated them. Makes it too easy. You get to learn how to use a bow and arrow instead.

"*_heavy sigh* _Fine. Lets get this over with. Lets try getting that squirrel." *_he aims and fires, missing the squirrel completely and hitting Jushiro in the leg, having just arrived in the Meadow*_

"OW! WATCH WHERE YOUR SHOOTING THAT DAMN THING!"

"Oops... sorry Jushiro! *_rubs neck sheepishly* _What are you doing here anyway?"

Allow me to explain. Jushiro is here as your childhood friend Gale Hawthorne. The two of you spend the days hunting and trading before returning to your families at night.

"So... we just hunt know?"

No. Your friend 'Gale' here has managed to get hold of some real bread as opposed to the horrible grainy stuff and you couldn't be more delighted...

"..."

COUGH COUGH.

"...Thank you Ju... I mean Gale! Where on earth did you get this?"

"*_puffs out chest* _Oh I just traded it for a couple of squirrels and a turkey."

Good. Well you guys seem to be settling into your roles just nicely. I'd better go check on the others!

"Hey wait!"

What now?

"What do we do now?"

I don't know! Sit down, eat the bread, shout insults about Yamamoto, keep repeating the line 'Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!', maybe kiss a bit. In fact do that last thing! It'll boost my ratings! Bye then!

"WAIT... YOU EXPECT ME TO KISS HIM! WHAT THE HELL!"

* * *

God those guys are hard work. Okay, lets check in with Prim and Mrs Everdeen...

"WELL ITS ABOUT TIME!"

Oh god. Here we go.

"YOU'VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO YOU ASS-HAT!"

What appears to the problem Mrs Everdeen?

*_Ichigo stands arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently, dressed in a pale green dress, hair now down to his waist tied up behind his head*_

"TAKE A GUESS!"

*_sigh* _Just embrace the role, Ichigo. You are Mrs Everdeen, mother to Katniss and Primrose Everdeen. You are the daughter of an accomplished healer and quite the expert yourself. Your husband died in the mine 5 years ago and you went into severe depression, leaving Katniss to fend for her and her sister.

"Well that's not too bad. So I'm basically a deadbeat mother who sits in a chair all day staring into space."

No. You get over your depression and do everything you can to get Katniss to forgive you.

"You missed that out deliberately didn't you?"

You got me!

"Screw you."

"Erm excuse me?"

Yes Momo?

"Who am I?"

Ah well my dear, you are Prim, Katniss's younger, incredibly gullible, sister. All you have to do is act your normal self.

"Um okay..."

Right. See you in the square in ten minutes. Gotta go. Got a schedule to keep. *_dances at Effie reference*_

* * *

Right guys! Improvising is ove... WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

*_Shunsui and Jushiro are curled up, one on top of the other, semi-naked* _"You told us it would boost your ratings if we were to kiss..."

YEAH KISS! NOT FULL BLOWN SEX! UGH GET DRESSED FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! THAT IS THE LAST TIME I LET YOU IMPROVISE FROM NOW ON YOU STICK TO THE SCRIPT!

"Dude. Calm down we're dressed. So what do we do now o mighty fanfiction author in the sky?"

That's better. You need to duck under the fence and head to the The Hob to trade in your catch. Go. Now.

"Okay! We're going! *_whispers* _Do you think we fooled her Shunsui"

"Definitely"

What are you to whispering about?

"Nothing!"

* * *

**A/N: **** I have no idea where this came from! Please review!**

**LYH**


End file.
